Well, it has been a year.. Time to finish up my story!

  I never had a chance to finish up my story from part 2.  It doesn't end the way that I wanted!  Isn't that how it always goes!  I had ordered prints to enter in the print competition and made reservations to attend the Professional Photographers of the Ozarks.  My daughter ended up going in the hospital the day before I was to leave, so I missed it.  I couldn't leave her and I wouldn't have enjoyed a thing because I would have been worried about her the whole time.  I was so excited about going and thought this is how my story will end and it will all tie together...  Well, God always has a different plan doesn't he?  I was sitting and thinking about this tonight.  How our lives don't go as planned.  Many of us have had bumps in the road, and traveled the wrong path.  If you could, would you go back and change it?  I don't think I would.  Those bumps and paths made me who I am today.  Looking back at the struggles, they actually seem so small now.  Those struggles have humbled me, shown me who I am, and who I need to be.  I am getting ready to attend WPPI 2011.  I can't help but look back on the past year and see how much I have grown.  I wanted to attend so badly.  I couldn't really afford it, but knew if I could just be there it would make all the difference.  Doug didn't want me to go, who could blame him!  Leaving him, with 3 small kids for a week, and letting his wife travel across the country alone...  I could see his point.  But I was so hungry for knowledge, I had to find a way.  That is when I found my lab giving away free passes to attend.  I entered right away.  On the day they were to announce, I was like a kid at Christmas.  They posted a video of how they drew the winner.  They pulled out a name, it wasn't mine.  I was heartbroken, but kept praying, "God, please let there be a way.  I will understand if there isn't, but please let there be a way for me to attend."  I almost stopped the video after seeing I wasn't a winner.  But I kept watching.  Then, at the end, they said, well, lets just pull a couple more names out and give away some bonus passes.  My name was the last pulled out.  I cried.  I thanked God.  I called my BFF Starla.  I called my Hubby and told him I was going.  I called my mom.  I was so happy!  I learned so much from WPPI.  But more importantly, I learned even more about myself.  I learned how strong I was.  I never dreamed I would have driven myself to St. Louis ( hadn't even drove in the city), boarded a plane by myself, switch planes...  all alone.  But, I knew I had to take a leap if I wanted to fly.  I also had just started my website at this same time.  Now, a year later, I don't know what I would have done without it!  Now, here it is, time for WPPI 2011.  Still a little nervous, but so eager to learn more.  My advice to anyone wanting to pursue a career in photography, would be knowledge.  You can attend a "photography school" but I really do not feel it will give you the advice and knowledge that you would receive with mentoring and attending workshops.  Photography is about practice and knowing your equipment and lighting.  Everyone today with a digital camera is a "photographer."  You have to set yourself apart from that group if you want to succeed.  You have to learn how to handle lighting, posing and exposure.  There are so many elements to a photograph besides a "cute picture."  You have to practice and study.  Look at other photographs and see if you can tell where the light is coming from.  Look at the depth of a photo.  Does the photo look flat?  Try to figure out how the photographer did it.  Once you start asking these questions and searching for answers, you will be on the right track.   I urge you to follow your heart.  Sometimes it takes a complete leap of faith, but the reward is completely worth it.  God Bless.

Jasmine Star :)

Tamara Lackey! :)

Oh, and just in case you don't believe me about the video, here it is :)  Wait until you see my name :)

My Story....continued....

Well, I may have been too hasty to post the first part of my blog. Now since I have reread it, it sounds like I have done all of that in a matter of a few weeks. That part actually was over about 2 years. I also want to go back to where I bought the lights from Mr. Ripley. He came and looked at my work a few times. Several times actually. He was quite impressed. He sometimes would bring his fellow photographers by and peek in my windows if I wasn't at my store to see my work. I think he thought I knew what I was doing. Little did he know I had no clue. Sometimes, I just got lucky and turned the buttons the right way. One day, I was at his house for a photo lesson. I loved being with him, but hated it at the same time. He was so old school is all that I could think. I didn't want my photos to look like his. They were made back in the 80s!! No one would come to me if my photos looked like that. He gave me a bunch of things laying around his house that he had made. Old reflectors, VHS tapes he had bought over the years about lighting, different things he would put over the lights to diffuse it, all old school stuff that I thought wouldn't ever be any help. He would talk about things and I would be so lost. One day he brought out his light meter to help me learn about lighting. I didn't even know they made such a thing. He would ramble off numbers and things and I wouldn't have a clue! I hated to tell him I didn't even know where to set the aperture at on my camera. And I sure didn't want to tell him that I had no idea what in the world f-stops and ISO were. I do remember a conversation that we did have. I asked him, "How will I know when I am a professional?" He laughed. He said, you just will. Sort of discouraged, I just thought there was a time line or something that I just crossed the boarder on. He always highly recommended attending conferences and joining organizations. He also really wanted me to enter print competitions. He said this was only the real way to learn how good you are. At this time of my life, money, well, was sort of scarce around our house. We had what we needed but finding the money for little extra things, like joining PPA for $300, just wasn't an option. I will one day I thought. I would bring him pictures that I was so proud of for him to critique. He would look at it and tell me how good or bad it was. He also always pointed out what I was doing wrong. I honestly didn't mind. I was looking for perfection and wanted to know how to improve. One thing he hated was the new age of things and what kids were wearing. Sometimes, I would have to agree with him. He also wanted me to take the exam to be certified as a professional photographer. I knew then, I had way too much studying to do if I was going to do that. I didn't want to even try because of the fear of disappointing him. I was pretty lost at this point in my photography life. I just wanted to "know" my camera so badly. I wanted to know when I turned a button and what it was for and how it would effect the photograph. I had been working with the studio lights, and he would come down and assist me and show me how to set them up. One memory I have of him helping me was when he and I photographed my sister on her 21st birthday. It was neat to see him react to how I envisioned the photograph. He sometimes would say, I never dreamed of doing that. Funny, now that I look back, I wonder if that was a good or a bad move in his eyes. I know this all sounds like a bunch of junk, but really, this has made me what I am today.
Now, back to where I left off the first time. I had just bought my camera and had 3 days to figure out how to use it. Oh, yeh. I didn't have to learn the camera. I had automatic!! ;). 2 days after buying my camera and beginning the new journey ahead for my photography business, tragedy struck my family. I don't wish to disclose the details, just that we had been crushed. I had always been a pretty confident person. Life of the party, stand up for things that I believed in, and the voice that ALWAYS wanted to be heard. Now, all I wanted to do was hide. Hide from everyone. How was I to pull it together and do photos for the soccer teams when everyone would be seeing me and knowing what was going on with my life?? As much as I hated to do it, I went ahead with photos. It was the hardest thing that I have ever done. People looked at me, some stared, some asked questions, some didn't even know who I was. It was an extremely hard day. From here on out, I was forever changed. I was broken. I didn't know where to go. I kept things bottled inside, and mainly kept to myself. Confidence, well, I didn't even know what that meant anymore. Sometimes, I would open up to close friends, but never truly let anyone all the way in. I couldn't focus on photography anymore at this point. I didn't have any confidence in myself, or in anything for that matter. I buried myself in my sign and t-shirt business. I was under a enormous amount of stress, and just couldn't take the pressure. I just wanted to crack, explode, run away and hide, start a new life somewhere far away, just pick up and leave. The only thing that kept me going was my husband and my two little girls. They were all I had to stand on. Mr. Ripley would still come down. We would talk about things, and shoot some, but my mind was always 1000 other places. I was still trying to learn photography and be on the level that I dreamed of. About the time when my head would be clear, another tragedy would happen. This time, we lost a child. I didn't know I was pregnant. My kids, mother in law, and I had flown to Las Vegas to see their great-grandfather in the hospital. I was in so much pain. I hated to tell anyone. I tried to hide it but it was killing me. After we returned home from our trip, I went to the doctor, and then discovered the pregnancy. I knew something wasn't right. To make a long story short, it was a tubal pregnancy. I was hit again. Knocked down. I was beginning to think I didn't want to fight this fight anymore. Finally, I picked up the pieces and moved forward. Yearning to find happiness again, I began working in my studio. Moving things around. I was really starting to learn the lights and think I was doing really good. Funny thing is, every time I would show them to Mr. Ripley, he would say, "You are getting really good at broad lighting. Great, another word he is throwing at me to learn. hahaha. Things were looking up, but still a rocky road. It had been 8 months since I had lost the baby and still wasn't feeling the greatest. I took a day to run to the doctor again. Something had to give. I knew the amount of stress that I had been under was probably the main cause, but honestly hated to admit it. So, here I am, sitting at the doctor. He comes in with the results. I was almost 3 months pregnant. In complete shock, and didn't know what to do. Then my phone rings. I am sitting at the doctors office in shock, and get a call from my mom that the river was going to rise higher than they expected. I was fixing to have an expected 2 feet of water in my store and had to move out ASAP. What a day.
ok, going to have to add more later. I have opened up feelings that I have kept bottled up and need to take a break. I will add more soon ;)